Do you foam at the mouth while you unwrap a pristine pair of Miu Miu platforms? Do you consider the Jimmy Choo daily newsletter serious reportage? And do you laugh at the amateurs who can’t spell Manolo Blahnik? Then you might be a shoe addict. Care to test yourself? Here’s a list of 10 things only a true shoe addict will understand. Proceed with caution.
1. You knowingly tried to stuff your feet into a pair of discount Nicholas Kirkwoods that are two sizes too small. Just. Got. To. Find. The. Right. Angle.
2. You invited your shoe guy, Tommy, to your wedding. And he showed up.
3. Your spirit animal isn’t Carrie Bradshaw or Becky Bloomwood. That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows it’s the armadillos from Alexander McQueen Spring 2010.
4. You made your bedroom your shoe closet and your shoe closet the bedroom. Love means putting others first, OK?
5. You buy all your favorite pairs of shoes in doubles—just in case. Did the story of Noah’s Ark teach you nothing?
6. You’ve tried to calm your worried friends and family by reminding them that at least you’re not addicted to crack.
7. You train for the Christian Louboutin sample sale like you’re running the New York Marathon.
8. You have multiple carts on online shopping sites stacked and fully-loaded. Payday is 5 days, 17 hours and 53 minutes away.
9. You felt like you lost your best friend after your dog chewed up your new summer stilettos. R.I.P. Jimmy. You’ll be missed.
10. You hoard every pair of shoes you’ve owned since 1996, including your Madonna-inspired Fluevog “Munster” shoes. But let’s be clear. You’re not collecting shoes, you’re saving memories.